


Disastrous Distraction Techniques

by Brego_Mellon_Nin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Comeplay, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:09:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brego_Mellon_Nin/pseuds/Brego_Mellon_Nin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the screen a long haired Hugh Jackman is bantering with David Wenham in a friar’s cloak when our dear alpha feels the need to spill soda down his front. Colorful cursing follows, before he whips his shirt up and off in a flourish. With that amount of abs on display my brain is almost non functional, but I manage to think of my usual distraction image before little Stiles has time to get up to full attention.</p>
<p>Derek is still shirtless and now in the process of wiping down his chest, hissing when the cloth catches on his nipples. I swallow. This one might take more than mini skirt lady to get my erection to back off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disastrous Distraction Techniques

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this is another idea I got at random one night when I was just on the cusp of sleep. It’s just a short, slightly silly one, but I’m actually really happy about how it turned out.
> 
> **Warning:**  
>  Explicit sexual content, slash (yeah boy on boy lovin’), silliness, fluff and bad jokes.
> 
> **Disclaimer:**  
>  I own nothing, I am just the wicked puppeteer ;)
> 
> Many thanks to Matt who helped me in the process of writing as well as being my perfect pre reader and my fantastic beta Corey Smith.

  
**Disastrous Distraction Techniques**  
  
Fuck! There he goes again, bending over right in front of me, giving me the perfect view of that delectable, firm ass. I sort of want to bite it, a bit. Okay, a lot! What can I say, teenage hormones are a bitch!  
  
Quickly, I resort to my best defense when in danger of popping an inappropriate boner amongst a pack of werewolves - I close my eyes and recall, in detail, the shopping trip from hell.  
  
I had been out grocery shopping, seeing as my dear dad can’t get through any supermarket without being jumped by at least two packets of bacon and a few pounds of chocolate pudding. And, of course someone had been nice enough to spill what seemed like half a bag of flour on the floor without cleaning it up. Me being who I am, naturally I slip in it, go flailing like the klutz I am, and end up on my behind on the dingy floor.  
  
Now, since that simply wasn’t enough, fate _had_ to add just a pinch of actual trauma to the experience and made sure I had an unobstructed view of the slightly more than overweight lady reaching down to get some sugar  - yeah good choice, ma’am, not like you’ve had enough of that yet - while wearing a fucking mini skirt! Hello there, trauma! I will never be able to erase that sight from my retinas ever again.  
  
I am a bisexual man, so I can appreciate women and, you know, girly bits, but that was just nasty. I mean, she might be a nice lady and all, no offense, but couldn’t she at least have been wearing pantyhose or something? Leggings, perhaps?  
  
No, of course not when it’s me, Stiles Stilinski, ending up on the floor with an overwhelming eyeful.  
  
As is usual with me, I find something positive in every situation, and in this particular instance the encounter has proven to be very effective when trying to kill unwanted erections. Something I have exploited very often recently.   
  
I don’t even know when it happened, that precise moment when I went from admiring Lydia from afar, to accepting her love for Jackson, before letting go of all those feelings and actually starting to form a friendship; and then to _this_. My highly inappropriate crush on the pack alpha, Derek Growly-Brows Hale. I am doomed to wander the lands of no sex forever and ever.  
  
In front of me, Derek straightens up and gives me a constipated look over his shoulder. Since my not-so-little problem is now taken care of, I shoot him a cheeky smile and keep on polishing the floorboards of his brand new living room. Okay, same old house, but new floors; it’s progress.  
  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
  
A week later we are having a pack movie night, and as usual, I go out to the Hale house an hour early to get started on the cooking. Derek used to just order pizza or chinese or something, but I couldn’t stand it in the long run, and since he started renovating and got a functional kitchen, I’ve been insisting on cooking real food. Healthy food. Well, _healthier_.  
  
Mister Sourwolf grumbled a bit about it, but after the first few times the grumbling turned into eagerly anticipating panting and drooling - from all the fucking wolves. Stilinski cooking is a force to be reckoned with!  
  
As it turns out, today is a day filled with temptation. When I arrive, Derek is wandering around in a towel. Not even a big towel, it’s a ridiculously small one. He’s been in the shower, so wet hair and drops of water sliding down skin is happening.   
  
I do a lot of anti-boner thinking. Luckily for me, just the memory of the view that lady provided does it every single freaking time.  
  
While I juggle the hot pan, putting the vegetable lasagna in the oven, I see Derek shooting me pinched looks. His expression is sort of... frustrated? That can’t be right, if he wanted something he’d demand it upfront, with that _I-expect-to-be-obeyed_ alpha growl.  
  
After the others have all arrived and we are settled around the table eating, I can’t help looking at Derek. He wraps his lips around the fork in an almost obscene manner and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was _trying_ to be suggestive. Lowering my gaze to my own plate, I call the image of the mini skirt lady to the forefront of my mind, to preempt the pavlovian response my dick has to anything related to Derek’s mouth. It works like a charm.  
  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
  
On the screen, a long-haired Hugh Jackman is bantering with David Wenham in a friar’s cloak, when our dear alpha feels the need to spill soda down his front. Colorful cursing follows before he whips his shirt up and off in a flourish. With the amount of abs on display, my brain is almost non functional, but I manage to think of my usual distraction image before little Stiles has time to get up to full attention.  
  
Derek is still shirtless and now in the process of wiping down his chest, hissing when the cloth catches on his nipples. I swallow. This one might take more than mini skirt lady to get my erection to back off. I close my eyes and concentrate on the washed-out greyish grandma panties she wore and that takes care of it, efficiently!  
  
I am just about to breathe out a sigh of relief when Derek’s angry voice interrupts me.  
  
“What is your problem, Stiles?”  
  
My eyes fly open and I am met with a still shirtless Derek, glaring at me like I offended his deceased mother or something.  
  
“Um... huh?” I utter, less than eloquently.  
  
His eyes pierce through me and I swear there’s a thin ring of red around the rim of his irises.  
  
“Did I offend your fragile sensibilities somehow? Is that why you always stink of repulsion whenever you’re within a fifty-foot radius of me? You can just stay away, you know!”  
  
What the everloving fuck? I am completely lost here. What is he talking about?  
  
“What are you talking about, Derek?” I manage to get out without stuttering. Bravo Stiles.  
  
He advances on me, and given his expression I find it prudent to back off, but I can’t get far before my back meets the wall. He doesn’t stop, but comes closer still. Shit! I will not be able to disguise my attraction to him if he’s pressed up against me. It’ll be too much! Fuck!  
  
A muscular arm presses against my throat and holds me to the wall. I may or may not have had several - hundred - fantasies involving this exact setup, and my body is reacting predictably. Derek’s face is inches from mine when he hisses at me, “If you think I’m so fucking disgusting you can-”  
  
He suddenly stops and tilts his head, looking like he’s listening intently. Then I see his nostrils flaring and I know he’s scenting me. Great, I’m dead. Nice to have known you Scott. Don’t fuck it up with Allison and please name your first born son after me, okay? Except, ew, don’t!  
  
Derek is sniffing like a bloodhound on a trail, and I can see the exact moment he untangles the scents wafting from me and gets to the one he wasn’t expecting to find. My arousal, which must be so strong he could probably can it and sell it as a love potion or something.  
  
He seems puzzled.  
  
“You’re... aroused?”  
  
Scott is gagging in the background, and Lydia huffs while Jackson snickers.  
  
I am incredulous. He can’t be unaware of the effect he has on people, can he?  
  
“Well, duh, you’re like insanely hot! You could go outside dressed in a garbage bag and we’d still need sunglasses to avoid being blinded by all that gorgeousness! Your personality is somewhat of a deal breaker, but you know, when one gets to know you better, it sort of grows on you.”  
  
Derek is staring at me; or okay, _that_ is gaping. Gaping Derek. Huh, never knew he could do other expressions apart from broody, annoyed, furious, and blank. Apparently so.  
  
It’s while I am attempting to figure out a way to escape certain death that I notice something rather revealing. There’s a hardness pressing into my hip, and I can easily tell it’s not his phone, because that one he always leaves on the kitchen table. Only the pack members ever calls him anyway.  
  
“Um, can you maybe not keep pushing me into the wall?”  
  
Derek smirks, he actually _smirks_.  
  
“Why? Seems like you’re enjoying it quite a bit,” he leers, even going so far as to waggle his eyebrows. Those things are way too flexible, I swear someday they will just jump right off his stupidly handsome face. Then, he carefully grinds his hip, pressing it against my crotch, where my erection is straining hopefully against my jeans.  
  
Since I am very confident in my masculinity, I can admit that I squeak at that. At least it’s better than the pornographic moan I was tempted to let loose.  
  
A throat is cleared loudly and Derek seems to remember where he is all of a sudden and steps back, taking his body with him, leaving me with no shield to hide my boner behind. Thank you, asswipe!  
  
Scott is looking distinctly uncomfortable and keeps throwing glances at my general groin area, his eyes drawn there like moths to a flame, before averting his eyes to the ceiling.  
  
“Um, dude, weren’t you just repulsed by Derek like five minutes ago?”  
  
He seems so adorably confused, like a puppy presented with a complex puzzle, needing to be solved in order for him to get at the treat.  
  
I snort incredulously.  
  
“Wow, I thought you had super senses, man! I’ve been crushing on Derek for like a year now! Thought you figured it out ages ago.”  
  
Cue big time alpha smirk! Jackson is now the one gagging, while Boyd looks supremely bored, playing with Erica’s hair.  
  
Scott almost screeches, “Then why do you smell like repulsion around him? With the way you stink of it, one would think you were standing knee deep in a tub of rotting worms or something!”  
  
I can feel myself blushing. Oh god, I’m going to have to explain. Crap!  
  
“Uh, well, I had a little trouble _controlling_ myself around Derek, and you guys are all freaking werewolves, you can smell that shit, so I had to figure something out to, y’know, _remedy_ the situation. So whenever I was in danger of embarrassing myself I just thought of something really gross to _keep things down_.”  
  
I shrug, trying to look indifferent.  
  
They are all staring at me like I’m batshit crazy _and_ contagious.  
  
Derek recovers first.  
  
“So, whenever you were all scrunched up, looking as if someone just dumped cat poop on your feet, you were really trying not to...” he trails off, a look of surprise dawning on his face, “ _Oh!_ ”  
  
Before I can even think of formulating an answer, a freaking freight train bowls into me. I end up in one of the squishy arm chairs being crushed by the freight train, which is in fact Derek. Hands are everywhere, mine flailing in the air, his on my thighs and, _holy fuck_ , under my shirt, groping like it’s going out of fashion.  
  
His surprisingly soft lips are covering mine, his tongue pushing into my mouth. Not entirely sure this is real, I simply wait for the other shoe to drop, but it doesn’t. It takes a few moments before he makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat and I’m thinking if this is a dream, let’s at least milk it for all it’s got.  
  
I wrap my arms around his neck, diving in to kiss him back with fervor, opening my mouth to lick at his lips. He tastes _so_ good! Pushing my hips up to gain some friction, I moan into his mouth and manage to untangle a leg from under him and wrap it around his hip.  
  
Several variants of squawking reaches my ears from around the room and Scott’s _“Dude!”_ is the last I hear before there’s a thundering of footsteps and the front door slams shut. Apparently the pack is offended by public displays of affection. Whatever, prudes!  
  
Taking into account that I am a virgin, I think I hold out a long time, but when Derek rips my jeans open with one hand and shoves them down along with my boxers and grabs my cock like it’s the best thing ever, my system overloads and I can feel myself coming, strings of white painting our clothes and his hand. With another squeak I start to panic, pushing at his ridiculously muscled chest. Oh my god, he is going to dump me like a bag of trash. Who wants a boyfriend that shoots his load as soon as you get your fingers on him?  
  
Derek doesn’t let me push him off though, he rips my shirt off and throws it away before unzipping his own pants and pulling out a truly impressive cock. Figures he’d have _the whole package_ , so to speak. It’s only slightly longer than my own but it’s so thick, I think I’d have trouble wrapping my fingers around that monster. Holy fucking Buddha on a throne!  
  
I am afraid I may have been staring, perhaps even drooling a bit, for a while longer than is acceptable when Derek clears his throat. He’s smirking again though, so I’m guessing he doesn’t mind.  
  
“That’s so fucking unfair,” I breathe.  
  
The only response I get is an upgrade of his smirk. Who knew it could get even smirkier?  
  
He grabs his cock and gives it a few leisurely tugs while staring at my mouth. Why is he staring? Oh. _Oh!_ Right, he wants me to suck him off. Probably. Which is awesome, fantastic, brilliant, and all that, except for the fact that I haven’t done anything like that before and that is one huge dick.  
  
Well, nobody has ever had any reason to accuse me of being a coward. I jump in where others fear to tread, or more likely, I stumble, flail and fall headfirst, but what’s the difference really?  
  
Putting my hands on his hips, I pull him forward until he’s straddling the arm rests on the chair, which positions his erection right in front of my face. I feel the need to take a deep breath or several, and when I blow it out in a gust, his cock jumps, a drop of precome appearing at the tip. It looks so beautiful, like a drop of dew glistening in the light, and without thinking about it, I surge forward and lick it up.  
  
It doesn’t taste good. Not exactly bad either, but yeah, it’s not chocolate milkshake. I am quite certain that making faces would be considered rude though, so I let it slide, and instead curl my fingers around his girth. I was right, the tip of my thumb and middle finger can’t touch around him. The thought of wrapping my lips around that is a little daunting, but I still want to.  
  
The first time around I don’t even get half of him in before I’m choking, and that’s just not sexy, at least not from my vantage point, so I pull off and try again, forcing my throat to relax. Given my propensity for rambling a mile a minute, my muscles in this area are well exercised which seems to give me a few advantages, if the sounds pouring out of Derek are to be taken seriously.  
  
Within a short time I realize that I love this. I fucking love sucking cock! Perhaps I should just go all gay and forget about the women.  
  
As I hum happily around my mouthful, Derek curses.  
  
“ _Fuck,_ Stiles! Your fucking _mouth!_ Oh, god... _ah!_ ”  
  
He continues spewing filth while thrusting his hips a little, causing his cock to hit the back of my throat. The urge to gag is still there, but I manage to fight it down and stubborn as I am, I put my hands on his butt cheeks and let him fuck my mouth. He seems to like it. A lot! He’s moaning and whining continuously, his fingers fisting in my hair, the little there is, and holding my head still.  
  
I do my best to get some tongue action in and tighten my lips around him to offer extra stimulation and soon he’s pulling out with an obscene pop. Before I can ask him what’s happening, his cock erupts, come pulsing out of him in thick rivulets, coating my chest almost completely. He even gets some on my chin. My sense of pride tries to convince me that I should not find it so mind blowingly hot that he chooses to shower me in wolf sperm, but I can’t fucking help it. Little Stiles is standing firmly at attention once more.  
  
Derek stays sitting over me, panting hard and when I am sure he’s looking at me, I stick out my tongue, catching some of the wayward jizz caught near the corner of my mouth. His eyes widen slightly, as if he never thought I could be so wanton. Well, his mistake.  
  
Running my hand down my stomach, spreading his come over my skin on the way, I wrap my fingers around my throbbing erection, coating it in his juices. Then, I let go and push him backwards, making him stand up to give me room to get up as well.   
  
There’s something I want to check. Once, when I was researching, I took a break and looked at some werewolf mating habits lore, because who wouldn’t be curious? I certainly was... well, I am still. It said that wolves are very possessive and scent marking is a big deal with these creatures. I can’t be sure that it’s true or that Derek in particular gives a royal fuck about any of that, but I am willing to test it, so I let go of my cock and go back to smearing his come over my torso. I rub it into my skin with slow, deliberate movements and I see his eyes follow my hand’s progress with hungry eyes. Hungry, red glowing eyes. Okay then, it’s safe to say that this scenting thing affects him significantly if he lets the wolf shine through.  
  
When I finish by bringing my hand up and starting to lick my fingers clean, he’s apparently had enough of my teasing. In any case, he surges forward and shoves his face into my neck, sniffing and licking before starting to nip lightly and suck hickeys into my pale skin.  
  
I moan and grip his hair, pulling on it a bit. It’s deceptively soft and I can’t help thinking that I could spend hours playing with it, running my fingers through it and shoving my nose in, smelling it. Which sounds like an awesome idea, so I do. When my face is buried in his mop of black, I inhale deeply. It smells fresh, like forests, falling rain and summer.  
  
He rumbles against my jugular.  
  
“Mine!”  
  
I can’t help chuckling.  
  
“Yeah, Sourwolf, all yours. As long as you’re mine. Now will you take me upstairs please? I’d like to do this in a bed the next time.”

 

~ The End ~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed and please leave a review.
> 
> I feel like I should mention that I don’t think less of big people, I am overweight myself, but yeah, even I have seen some cases where I thought it would have been nice if that person had taken a look in the mirror and realized that perhaps a very short mini skirt or an extremely tight dress wasn’t the best way to go in their situation. If I managed to offend anyone I apologize, that was never the intent.
> 
> Oh, and in case you are wondering, the movie that I mention superficially with Hugh Jackman and David Wenham is of course Van Helsing ;)


End file.
